My writing partner, believe it or not, is my daughter Mel. She’s a bartender/restaurant manager with three kids and she knows stuff like stuff about looners and plushies (stuffed animal/costume freaks). You really have to have some kind of experiences of your own to draw from if you want to write real sex scenes that touch the readers. And there are a couple of rules we came up with.
First–do your research. We write m/m, paranormal, kinky romance. I know–pretty out there. But we do our research. I watched a lot of gay porn, read guy on guy erotica and Mel has a lot of gay friends. They have no problem telling her the most intimate things in graphic detail. Thank god.
Second–sex scenes are scenes in your story and as such must have a purpose. They have to move the story line along in some way. This is how it works, your couple gets together and one whispers a secret to the other one. A sex scene may be the critical moment in the relationship, either a committment moment or a breakup moment. It can be an important milestone in your character’s personal growth. But whatever it is, it has to have a purpose.
Third–euphemisms have been terribly maligned. I’m here to tell you they are a must. And you need to choose them carefully. If the moment is tender, use softer euphemisms. If it’s rough, guy-on-guy sex between two paranormal characters use rougher euphemisms. If you have two guys making love and you’re in the macho guy’s head use different euphemisms than if you were in the softer guy’s head. Make what they call their parts part of their character.
Fourth and most important–sex scenes are action scenes. Be careful with the length of your sentences. Keep the verbs hot and energetic. Always try to stay out of passive voice. Don’t put too much introspection into the sex scene itself, leave it for the afterglow. Watch the redundancies, especially with proper names and pronouns, think about each word you put into a sentence. Moment in time and location can add a lot to your sex scenes. Is this the critical sex scene that seals the commitment or just a one-night stand?
And there you have it; four steps to writing a great sex scene. Don’t forget they are always emotional in some way, passion is great but is one of them cheating, is there guilt, is there fear of loss? Now go for it.